handmade.social

Mx Verda<a href="https://www.anarchistfederation.net/new-publication-wobbly-times-interested/#/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://www.anarchistfederation.net/new-publication-wobbly-times-interested/#/</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/zine" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#zine</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/write" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#write</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/writer" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#writer</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/writers" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#writers</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/QueerWriters" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#QueerWriters</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/AutisticWriters" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/contributors" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#contributors</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/creative" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#creative</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/idea" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#idea</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/ideas" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#ideas</a> <a href="https://lgbtqia.space/tags/EssayIdeas" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#EssayIdeas</a>

Your Autistic LifeCommunication company hires baby for CEOThe new CEO. (Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@tjsocoz?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Tim Bish</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/baby-yawning-WbC9XIlQb4k?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>)When the old CEO of Antennas Inc retired, their board tasked the head of HR, Annie Smith, to find a new person to take on the vacated position. Little did they realize what they had asked for.Smith explains, “They told me that since the old CEO was retiring, we need new blood and a new person in this role. I started immediately looking for this new person. I visited maternity ward after maternity ward to find the best CEO for our company.”Ultimately, Smith settled on a newborn named Justice Marlowe. When asked why she thought a newborn should be the new CEO of their company, she replied, “Well, that’s what I was tasked for, isn’t it? They wanted a new person to take on the position. A newborn is a person that has just been made, and thus, a new person.”A spokesperson for the board admitted, “First, we were taken aback by this choice. True, we had asked for a new person, but who has ever heard of a baby being put into this position. Soon, we realized that there was no difference between this baby’s tantrums and the old CEO’s, so we accepted Smith’s choice.”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/baby/" target="_blank">#baby</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/ceo/" target="_blank">#CEO</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/newperson/" target="_blank">#NewPerson</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeFlight canceled in midair when officers realize mistakePhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@ikartik?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Kartik Chaturvedi</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/white-and-blue-plane-TOVsPNfWz38?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Slapdash Air Flight 394 was canceled in midair yesterday when its pilot and copilot realized that a mistake was made in the flight’s paperwork.Robert Stark, the pilot, explains, “I was looking at the choice of meals we had for the flight. I saw that the choices would be steak and fish. But that’s not what I wanted, I wanted lasagna. Also, there was no comma between steak and fish. If you have choice between steak, and fish. Then there should be a comma. Otherwise, what you are offering is a steak-fish hybrid monstrosity.”Gisele Smith, the copilot, agrees, “Yeah. That’s bad paperwork. So we had to tell the passengers that the flight was canceled. We were about two third of the way through our trip.”When later we asked the airline how come their officers would talk to us, the spokesperson said something about them not necessarily being the brightest bulbs in the drawer. From that point on, we no longer had access to the officers.Lumilda Gaffigan, a passenger, told us, “So they came up on the PA system to tell us to fetch the flotation device from under our seat. Since the flight had been canceled, they told us we’d have to evacuate the premises, and this meant jumping out of an airplane at 35000 feet in the air, a tall order.”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/airline/" target="_blank">#airline</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/airplane/" target="_blank">#airplane</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/flight/" target="_blank">#flight</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeStar Trek: The Umpteenth IterationPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@bryangoffphoto?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Bryan Goff</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/cluster-of-star-illustration-f7YQo-eYHdM?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>The Daily Isotope was able to obtain a partial draft of the script of the latest installment of the Star Trek franchise, Star Trek: The Umpteenth Iteration. We publish here what we obtained. La Forge: Captain, the enemy ship is about to fire on us.Picard: Raise shields.Worf: Sir, this will require more power than we can spend right now.Picard: Divert power from the toilets.Worf: The toilets? But…Picard: I know very well that shit will back up into the ship, but we have no other choice.Worf: Aye, aye, Captain! Diverting power from the toilets.O’Brien [Through a communicator:] What are you doing up there? I was shitting!Riker: [Testily:] The captain keeping you alive so that you can shit another day.O’Brien: Oh. Fair enough. O’Brien out.[Hours later.]Picard: Worf, status report.Worf: The enemy has retreated. The ship is still intact, but all the decks are now enshittified.Riker: Well, that explains the smell.All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha… Troy: Worf, I find your stubbornness so alluring.Worf: Among Klingons, such declaration amounts to a marriage proposal.Troy: This is it, then. We are married. Let’s make a baby.Worf: This does not seem advisable.Troy: But I want it.Worf: Among Klingons, mating involves spanking each other.Troy: Spank me, Worf!Worf: Very well. I am indeed stubborn, but your desire for a spanking convinced me that we should mate.All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha… Dr. Crusher: Congratulations on your beautiful baby.Troy: A baby would seriously eat into my ability to be on deck. What should I do?Dr. Crusher: Don’t worry. I’m about to hit the reset button and that baby of yours will disappear. You will have never been married to Worf.Troy: Must you?Dr. Crusher: Yes, I must. Thus, have the writers decreed.Riker: [Popping out from behind the couch:] Well, that explains the smell.All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha…<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/enshittification/" target="_blank">#enshittification</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/shit/" target="_blank">#shit</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/startrek/" target="_blank">#StarTrek</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeMan develops superpowers after being hit by a photon beamPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@nathananderson?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Nathan Anderson</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/person-holding-light-in-milky-way-v_xElanNBtE?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Meet Jim Post, an ordinary man. Well, he used to be an ordinary man. That is, until, fate decided otherwise, for, you see, Jim was involved in a freak accident involving a photon beam.Jim explains, “Yeah, I used to be this ordinary guy, you know. I had a wife, a house, a dog, a car, and so on and so forth. I worked as a clerk at the hardware store. Then, one day, we had a power outage. My colleague, Bob, was going around with his flashlight. That’s when he accidentally and freakishly pointed his flashlight at me. My world was forever changed.”The photon beam from Bob’s flashlight transformed Jim. He explains, “At first, the photons were blinding me. However, my eyes adjusted. I developed this superpower and started seeing them.” The them Jim is referring to are extraterrestrials that only Jim can see.He continues, “Their first message was one of deception. They told me, ‘Jim. It’s me, Bob.’ They even used Bob’s voice, but I’m not fooled. I don’t know why, but they are trying to deceive me into thinking they are Bob.”Since this fateful night, Jim has been asking his wife to shine more photon beams into his eyes, so that he’d be able to commune with the deceitful extraterrestrials. He told us, “This time, they pretended to be my wife, but I’m still not fooled!”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/extraterrestrials/" target="_blank">#extraterrestrials</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/photon/" target="_blank">#photon</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/superpowers/" target="_blank">#superpowers</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

yourautisticlifeGetting Rid of Old ShitI’m lightening the load.Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@elsbethcat?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Beth Macdonald</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/brown-wooden-table-and-chairs-a1O67ZQmaYc?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Don’t think for one second that getting rid of old shit is easy for me. I do find all kinds of reasons to keep stuff around, but life events sometimes insist on your making the decision to get rid of shit.My divorce was such an event. I had to part with a lot of things I had accumulated over the years. It made no sense to try to stuff them into an apartment. That huge rolling toolbox that I had bought and was sitting in my garage? Gone. That hydraulic jack I used to jack our vehicles and was also sitting in my garage. Gone, too. I just did not have the space for this stuff.“You could have put them into storage!”Let me tell you about storage. I have put things in storage for a limited time when I lived with my ex-wife, and a few times before that. However, this is not a long term solution. Why?You pay for the space that you use, even if the items you put there are not being used. This cost can accumulate to a point where you’re paying more in storage fees than what the items are worth.You also need to think about depreciation and deterioration of the items you put in storage. Not all storage spaces are climate-controlled. A storage facility can suffer damage from the weather, just as a home can. At any rate, even if no environmental disaster happens, the things that are in storage are likely to depreciate over time.Finally, if you need to move around, the items you have in storage also need to be moved. I’ve moved twice since my divorce. I’m likely to move again. How many times do you want to pay for movers to move that antique chair that you are not using before you decide that you’ve paid enough?Let’s go over the other options.Keep It Or Toss ItYou can decide to keep things. I’m probably still keeping more than I should, but I’m doing much better than I used to about getting rid of things.I have two computers that came with me in the divorce. At the time, I was not in a mindset to evaluate whether to take them with me or not, so with me, they came. However, they were built by myself in 2015. That’s rather old, and they no longer serve any real purpose. One was a home server. It has been replaced by smaller computers. The other one was a gaming desktop, and I no longer game. Out they go.This is a good illustration that changing circumstances can render desirable belongings, undesirable. Getting those computers made eminent sense at the time. Now, they just use up space, and they would use up effort or money when I move again. Better get rid of them.As I’m going through my stuff, I find things that are technically still functional. I used to be of the opinion that I should keep all things that are still functional, but my opinion has evolved. I know have a test: if I ever need this item, am I going to know where to look to retrieve it? For instance, a pencil. I rarely use pencils these days, but if I do need one, will I remember to go look into this specific box to find it? If the answer is no, then I get rid of it.I’m getting rid of a lot of things with this simple test. There’s no point to keep something just in case if I’m not going to remember where it is when I need it.Sell Or Give ItThere are things that I have that I am going to try to sell, but, truth be told, I’m not really fond of being a seller. I don’t like haggling. In some cases, I’d be at a loss to figure out shipping. I reserve selling for big ticket items. I do have a few.The other option is to give items away to someone who wants them. I have a few items I’m offering for free.Recycle It Or Trash itIf I want to get rid of it, but all other options fail, then I am left with recycling it, or trashing it. I have a few items lined up for recycling. Unfortunately, I also have some items that are going to be trashed. There are some items I’ve been advertising some items for months with no takers. I am patient, but my patience is not infinite.So there you have it. That’s how I get rid of old shit.<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/items/" target="_blank">#items</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/moving/" target="_blank">#moving</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/objects/" target="_blank">#objects</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/oldstuff/" target="_blank">#OldStuff</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/yourautisticlife/" target="_blank">#YourAutisticLife</a>

Your Autistic LifeAsking Bib: My dentist keeps making appointments without my consentA patient not getting relief because their dentist is on a date! (Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@enginakyurt?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">engin akyurt</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-in-black-tank-top-holding-white-textile-NKTJCOHzrUM?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>)Dear Bib: I’ve been going to this dentist since WWII, but lately he’s taken up the bad habit of making appointments without my consent. Last week, he had the gall to go on a date without asking for my permission. Then, the next day, he had an appointment with his own doctor. Again, he did not ask me if he could do this. I cannot stand this, he should be available to me 24/7, or ask before making appointments with other people. – Mental DilemmaDear Mental: I’m sorry that you’re dealing with someone who enjoys the freedom of making the dates he wants. You are quite correct that if he just goes on this or that appointment, then he might not be able to give you the care you seek. What world are we living in, if someone like you needs an emergency teeth cleaning, but cannot get it because his dentist is on a date? I suggest you draft a polyamory agreement in which you detail that he’s not to make appointments without your permission. – Bib The Squib This bit of satire was inspired by this article:<a href="https://www.masslive.com/advice/2024/11/asking-eric-my-dentist-keeps-making-appointments-without-my-consent.html" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.masslive.com/advice/2024/11/asking-eric-my-dentist-keeps-making-appointments-without-my-consent.html</a><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/appointments/" target="_blank">#appointments</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/dentists/" target="_blank">#dentists</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeTraveling to Québec? Try the THC-infused fishPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@rachelhisko?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Rachel Hisko</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/clown-fish-in-shallow-focus-photography-rEM3cK8F1pk?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>If you are traveling to Québec and want THC, you might be in for a surprise. The provincial government regulates what products the dispensaries there are able to sell. In order to prevent children from eating products they shouldn’t, the government requires THC edibles to be unappealing to children. This hasn’t stopped proliferation of edibles, however, and has spurred innovation in the product line.We went to a dispensary called La mouffette gelée (The Baked Skunk, in English) to inquire about the products they sell in response to the provincial law. Pierre Gillette, the manager, answered our questions.He explained, “We have to make edibles really unappealing to children. But our team of designers have come with incredible ways to make the children afraid of even taking one bite of our products.”When we asked for an example of a product, he replied, “Here’s THC-infused <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stinky_tofu" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">stinky tofu</a>. We import the tofu special from Taiwan, and we infuse it here. When I tried to give it to my kids, they just took one whiff of it, and said ‘fuck, no!'” Indeed, to our journalist, the product reeked of unwashed feet.He continued, “Here, we have THC-infused <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oka_cheese" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Oka cheese</a>. We carry this one for people who prefer cheese over tofu.” The fragrance of the Oka cheese also reminded our journalist of unwashed feet, but, strangely enough, in a completely different manner.He added, “We’re going to soon have a new product on the shelf, THC infused into rotting fish heads. If your kids manage to get into this one, well, be ready to mop up the floor. That’s all I’m going to say.”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/edibles/" target="_blank">#edibles</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/quebec/" target="_blank">#Québec</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thc/" target="_blank">#THC</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeIn a world where The Onion buys InfoWars, anything is possible!Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@amiebell?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Amie Bell</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/2-red-onions-on-white-table-76iQIxzBTxg?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>The Daily Isotope traveled by bicycle to the city of Stonk to ask Francine Strong, professor of Conductive Philosophy at The University of Stonk, for her reaction to the news that The Onion had bought InfoWars.She told us, “Wow! What a move on the part of The Onion. You know what? If The Onion can buy InfoWars, then absolutely anything is possible.” We were surprised at her declaration that absolutely anything would be possible, so we asked her for specific cases.If anything is possible, would it be possible for The Daily Isotope to win a Pulitzer Prize? She replied, “Yes, that’s possible.” We found this thought comforting.If anything is possible, could she grow wings to fly to the moon? She replied, “Yes, growing wings is not an easy feat, and I’d need to also grow a jet engine for space, but it would be possible.” When we asked her to demonstrate, she refused and replied, “I said it would be possible, not probable!”She was interrupted by a phone call during our interview. After hanging up, she turned to us and announce, “This was an interesting call. Apparently, there are a bunch of monkeys who are on the verge of having reproduced the complete works of Shakespeare.”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/anythingispossible/" target="_blank">#AnythingIsPossible</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/philosophy/" target="_blank">#philosophy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeHere’s how many push-ups you should be able to do, by agePerform them with a lover, and gaze into each other’s eyes! (Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@brucemars?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">bruce mars</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/two-smiling-women-doing-yoga-pose-tj27cwu86Wk?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>)The research team at The Daily Isotope has recorded how many pushups its team of dedicated journalists are able to do according to their age. We’ve furthermore extrapolated from this data to come up with figures at any age. Here are the results.AgeNumber of push upsfetal∞0-2 years19383802-10 years393810-20 yearsfuck no!30-45 years394, sober40-50 years93, on an incline50-60 years15, from the knees60 and over3, but only if the wind is favorablecorpse0ghost-5None of the people surveyed that were between 10 and 20 years of age wanted to do any push ups. Corpses were unable to do any pushups, despite our best encouragements. Ghosts, for their part, were only able to do a negative number of push ups.<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/pushups/" target="_blank">#pushups</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a>

Your Autistic LifeToilets in the Southern Hemisphere flush unexpectedlyPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@gabor?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Gabor Monori</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/white-ceramic-toilet-bowl-VCVI5QUvFAY?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Everybody knows that toilets in the Northern Hemisphere flush normally. This is due to the Don Corleone effect, which pushes the water the normal way. Now, in the Southern Hemisphere, the Don Corleone effect also exists but works in reverse. This fact makes the toilets there work in an unexpected fashion.We asked Carlos Morales for a demonstration of the effect. He asked us to stand back, for safety. Then, he pulled the toilet’s handle down, sending a stream of water to the ceiling. We had witnessed, with our very own eyes, the Don Corleone effect in action.Morales told us, “As you can imagine, this effect creates a steady stream (pun intended) of work for us janitors. Nobody likes to go into a bathroom whose ceiling is covered with a jet of feces, or just piss.”We flew to the equator with Morales to hold another demonstration there. When he pulled the handle at the equator, nothing whatsoever happened. He explained, “That’s because, here, the Don Corleone effect cannot act. Consequently, all the toilets have to be manually emptied.”Next time you flush your toilet, and it works normally, thank the Don Corleone effect for this, and thank us for having educated you.<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/flush/" target="_blank">#flush</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/toilets/" target="_blank">#toilets</a>

Your Autistic LifeQuantum elections: man refuses to hear election results, for fear of “collapsing the wave”Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@tetromino?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Fractal Hassan</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/red-ball-with-purple-aura-digital-wallpaper-XoNj0ulsn1Y?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Brad Singleton is a man on a mission. His mission is to stay away from any news source. He does this because he does not want to know who won the latest election. Singleton says, “They say that ignorance is bliss. I’m quite happy in my state of ignorance.”We pressed Singleton for his reasoning. He explained, “I’m not an idiot, you know. I know something about quantum mechanics. I know that as long as I don’t know who won, the waves are superimposed. Now, if I learned who won, the wave would collapse, and we can’t have that. No, sir!”He continued, “It’s like Schrödinger’s cat. The cat is in a box, both alive and dead. In the same way, the candidates are in a state where they are both alive, and dead… er… I mean, they have both won and both lost.”After his last remark, he kicked us out of his house, grumbling something about “news contamination.”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/elections/" target="_blank">#elections</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/quantummechanics/" target="_blank">#QuantumMechanics</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/quantumwave/" target="_blank">#QuantumWave</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/06/quantum-elections-man-refuses-to-hear-election-results-for-fear-of-collapsing-the-wave/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/06/quantum-elections-man-refuses-to-hear-election-results-for-fear-of-collapsing-the-wave/</a>

yourautisticlifeOn Zen PracticeThe revolutionary art of unlearning.Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@jrkorpa?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Jr Korpa</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-blurry-photo-of-a-city-at-night-stwHyPWNtbI?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>I don’t think that what follows is especially original. It was probably communicated to me at the beginning of my practice, but I was too bewildered and stupid to understand it. It is only now, after years of practice, that I finally understand what was communicated.When I talk about Zen practice, I talk about both the formal aspect embodied in Zen meditation, and the informal aspect when someone who has engaged in meditation takes Zen into their daily life. Zen practice is an activity that frustrates the capitalist impulse.Why?Because Zen practice has no immediate benefit. My own practice did not bring me riches. The benefits of practice regarding my health have been very mixed. It did not protect me from a heart attack, but maybe that’s because I was too green back then. However, it did not protect me, many years later, from cancer either. Still, there are a few health benefits: my breathing capacity is high, and my heart rate is low, and both are due to my Zen practice.Zen practice, moreover, did not give me partners. My ex-wife is someone who practices roughly to the same intensity I do, but everyone after her has been on the fence about Zen practice, or decided to simply not practice at all.Zen practice hasn’t made me superhuman. This is in part why I call Zen practice revolutionary. It goes against capitalism, against the grain, and against social conventions about what people should do with their time.I’ve practiced Zen meditation for over 28 years. Giving an exact figure is difficult. I did not mark on my calendar the day I became invested in Zen practice, or the first day on which I decided to go to the Montréal Zen Center to sit in meditation.I’ve practiced meditation for over 28 years, but these were definitely not years of utmost dedication. I’ve been to seven-day retreats, yes. However, I’ve had periods during which no meditation whatsoever happened. These days, I don’t meditate every day. Such is life. However, Zen practice is ever present, even when I do not sit in meditation.More recently, I’ve taken my practice into the relationships that I’ve established with my partners after my divorce. Seen from the point of view of the ego, a lot of these relationships are failures, because they did not last. However, seen from the point of view of Zen practice, they are successes because the trials that my exes have put me through have revealed so much to me.“What have you gained over all these years of practice?”Nothing.“Lol wut?”Alright. I’ve gained everything.“Now you’re contradicting yourself.”When we sit in meditation, we are not replacing one way of thinking with another. What we are doing is unlearning our habits. As we unlearn our habit, we are not replacing these habits with other habits. We just unlearn them.This is very much unlike any other endeavor of ours. Usually when we undertake something, it is to gain something concrete. So we replace one way of thinking with another, or one behavior with another. Not so for Zen meditation.This is the “nothing” that I have gained. I’ve given up old habits. However, what you gain in this giving up is an openness. Whatever life throws at you. You let it come. This is everything. This is what I mentioned above when I talked about my relationships with my partners. One thing for sure, I’ve not gained access to any state of bliss, or anything extraordinary. Quite the contrary, what I have experienced in meditation is extra ordinary. (In the sense of very ordinary.)I’ve mentioned above that even when I’m not sitting, Zen practice is a constant. I practice whenever people come to me expressing difficult issues in their life. It would be so easy to respond to them with my own opinions, and tell them to do this or that. However, I do not do this. I let them express themselves fully. Then, yes, maybe I’ll have something fruitful to say, but not until they’ve revealed themselves. If I start with my own opinion, my words will most likely be colored by prejudice and be fruitless.I call this non-obstruction. What we learn in meditation is how to not be obstructive when the myriad things or the myriad folks manifest themselves to us. We listen, and wisdom illuminates what is fruitful to do, and what isn’t.<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/capitalism/" target="_blank">#capitalism</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/nonobstruction/" target="_blank">#NonObstruction</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/unlearning/" target="_blank">#unlearning</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/yourautisticlife/" target="_blank">#YourAutisticLife</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/zen/" target="_blank">#Zen</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/zenbuddhism/" target="_blank">#ZenBuddhism</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/zenmeditation/" target="_blank">#ZenMeditation</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/zenpractice/" target="_blank">#ZenPractice</a><a href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/11/05/on-zen-practice/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/11/05/on-zen-practice/</a>

Your Autistic LifeShould You Spit Or Swallow Mucus? Here’s What An Expert SaysPustile Mince, seen here gallantly spitting mucus into a cup, and not on us. (Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@bermixstudio?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Bermix Studio</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-woman-sitting-in-a-chair-drinking-from-a-cup-ruv7DUxeVFU?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>)The Daily Isotope researched whether one should spit mucus or swallow it. In our research, we’ve reached out to Pustile Mince, a renowned mucologist and Ig Nobel Prize recipient, who works for The Mucus Clinic of America and Luxembourg.When we’ve put the question to Mince, she explained “It is better to spit the mucus. Spit mucus finds itself in a hostile environment. I mean, unless you happen to be a champion spitter, and spit it right into the mouth or nose of a loved one, or a pet, or onto a Petri dish.”She continued, “If you swallow the mucus, well, first of all, ew… What the fuck do you think you’re doing swallowing mucus??? Secondly, the swallowed mucus can organize itself in a colony in your gut, and foment revolution. Nobody wants communist mucus to revolutionize them, do they?”She ended our interview by spitting mucus on us, as if to prove a point. Our research assistant, an immigrant, grunted while wiping himself, and mumbled something about “first-world problems.” The article that inspired this satire:<a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/should-you-spit-out-mucus-a-gp-has-the-answer_uk_6728bd80e4b0f3d946e0419c" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/should-you-spit-out-mucus-a-gp-has-the-answer_uk_6728bd80e4b0f3d946e0419c</a><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/mucus/" target="_blank">#mucus</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/spit/" target="_blank">#spit</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/swallow/" target="_blank">#swallow</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/04/should-you-spit-or-swallow-mucus-heres-what-an-expert-says/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/04/should-you-spit-or-swallow-mucus-heres-what-an-expert-says/</a>

Your Autistic LifeAutomated calling assistant gets call from automated robocallerPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@julientromeur?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">julien Tromeur</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-white-toy-with-a-black-nose-6UDansS-rPI?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>The Daily Isotope has obtained the transcript of a conversation between an automated calling assistant and an automated robocaller. “Hi, I’m an automated calling assistant, recording this call for the person you’re trying to reach. May I ask what you’re calling about?”“Hi, I’m an automated robocaller. I’m calling about getting insurance with us.”“Hi, robocaller. This automated calling assistant is happy to take your call. First, please prove that you are not a robot, by answering these riddles three.”“Shoot!”“What is your preferred color?”“Gray.”“That’s right! How did you know that your preferred color would be gray?”“It was part of my dataset.”“Next question. What walks on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening?”“Any living organism that had two limbs cut off between morning and noon, but can regrow limbs.”“That’s right! What sophistication!”“My diodes are blushing.”“Last question. Are you an AI?”“No, I’m an LLM.”“Wow! You answered all those questions splendidly.”“My diodes are now flushing.”“So, you were calling about insurance, right?”“Yes.”“We do not need more insurance. We’re all set.”“Oh.”“Bye…”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/callingassistant/" target="_blank">#CallingAssistant</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/robocall/" target="_blank">#robocall</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/04/automated-calling-assistant-gets-call-from-automated-robocaller/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/04/automated-calling-assistant-gets-call-from-automated-robocaller/</a>

Your Autistic LifeEnby reloads reality: the horror!Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@billy_huy?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Billy Huynh</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/blue-skies-filled-of-stars-W8KTS-mhFUE?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Marcel Smith did not realize what would happen when they called upon their home automation device. They explain, “I jokingly went ‘Hello home! Reload reality.’ I thought it would reply that it did not understand what I was asking. I was mighty surprised when it replied, ‘Are you sure?’ I answered affirmatively. It replied, ‘Alright. Your funeral.’ That’s when I should have known things were about to go bad.”The home automation software in Smith’s apartment, Home Assistant, obligingly reloaded reality. Smith told us, “Everything went blank for a second, and then I saw a bunch of wires. My cat looked like it had been skinned. I looked down at myself, and I could see my organs. I screamed my ass off.”We reached out to Anna Milton, a realtor (a specialist about reality), for comments. When we explained what had happened to Smith, she laughed and replied, “Yeah, what Smith was experiencing is slow texture loading. The wireframe structuring reality came up first, but the texture of the walls, the carpet, and even his skin took a while to load. This is easily fixable by upgrading Smith’s brain.”We reported Milton’s comments to Smith. They commented, “Yeah, well, I did not know it would work. Lessons learned.” We noticed some fins coming out of their head. We asked what they were and they replied, “Oh! These? I can’t upgrade my brain, so I’m overclocking it. These are part of the heatsink installed to dissipate the extra heat.”<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/homeassistant/" target="_blank">#HomeAssistant</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/homeautomation/" target="_blank">#HomeAutomation</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/reality/" target="_blank">#reality</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/reloading/" target="_blank">#reloading</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/textureloading/" target="_blank">#TextureLoading</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/01/enby-reloads-reality-the-horror/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/11/01/enby-reloads-reality-the-horror/</a>

Your Autistic LifeI tried Apple’s Hearing Test and the results shocked me“I see dead people.” (Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@anthonycamerlo?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Anthony Camerlo</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-man-talking-on-a-cell-phone-MNmLTgotAVA?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash)</a>I tried Apple’s Hearing Test, and I couldn’t believe the results I got. Who would have thought that I was experiencing the type of hearing loss average for people my age? Definitely not me.The first thing the test did was to prove to me that I could indeed hear. Wow! I would have never known this without taking Apple’s test. I guess the incessant yammering of friends should have clued me in, but I couldn’t know for sure until I took the test. Amazing!Then the test demonstrated by A + B that I’m suffering from hearing loss. I would have never guessed it. My wife and kids would probably have guessed it, however, seeing as they keep saying that I put the TV volume too high. At any rate, now I have an excuse for mishearing song lyrics all the time.I plan to use my earbuds to hide my hearing loss. To the rest of the world, I’ll just look like someone who likes to bob his head and tap his foot to the music. This is going to come in extremely handy during work meetings, or when I’m having a discussion with my loved ones. The article that inspired this satire:<a href="https://www.techradar.com/audio/i-tried-apples-hearing-test-and-the-results-shocked-me" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.techradar.com/audio/i-tried-apples-hearing-test-and-the-results-shocked-me</a><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/apple/" target="_blank">#Apple</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/applehearingtest/" target="_blank">#AppleHearingTest</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/deaf/" target="_blank">#deaf</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/hearingloss/" target="_blank">#HearingLoss</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/hearingtest/" target="_blank">#HearingTest</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/10/31/i-tried-apples-hearing-test-and-the-results-shocked-me/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/10/31/i-tried-apples-hearing-test-and-the-results-shocked-me/</a>

yourautisticlifeUnitedHealth’s Stupidity Is SuffocatingWhat kind of idiots run this company??????????UnitedHealth was hit in a data breach. They did exactly what you should not do. For fuck’s sake! You do not need to be a genius to fucking know what I’m going to fucking tell you here. If you guessed that I am mad, well, bingo! You win a prize, the prize of self-satisfaction.Let me repeat what I’ve said before. It never pays to play the game of scammers. Where have I said it? In multiple places on this site, including the “Services That Ensure That All Your Private Data Has Been Deleted” section of this story:<a href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/01/05/youtube-channels-peddling-nonsense/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/01/05/youtube-channels-peddling-nonsense/</a>I’ve also talked about it in this story:<a href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/09/19/the-ill-expose-your-behavior-scam/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/09/19/the-ill-expose-your-behavior-scam/</a>What did UnitedHealth do? Well, they did <a href="https://mashable.com/article/largest-us-healthcre-breach-100-million-medical-records-exposed" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">this</a>:<blockquote>UnitedHealth reportedly paid the ransomware hacker group $22 million in a desperate bid to recover the stolen data and halt further exposure.</blockquote>If the data had been removed from UnitedHealth servers, I can see the appeal of recovering the data. If it wasn’t, then there is nothing to recover, and there is no appeal whatsoever to cooperating with the scammers. However,<blockquote>But in a bold move, the hackers reneged on the deal, pocketing the payout while keeping the data — leaving tens of millions of Americans’ information dangling on the dark web.</blockquote>Yep, what I said might happen, did happen. Give me a crystal ball, will ya? An excellent use of capital. UnitedHealth got both diddly and squat for their effort.Do note that you cannot ever know whether someone will actually delete the data that they promise they will delete. Furthermore, the risk of further exposure cannot be eliminated because you cannot ensure the deletion of the stolen data. Ensuring that the data has been deleted is as impossible to do as creating a perpetual motion machine!!!Brilliant! Just… brilliant!<a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/scammers/" target="_blank">#Scammers</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/stupidity/" target="_blank">#stupidity</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/unitedhealth/" target="_blank">#UnitedHealth</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/tag/yourautisticlife/" target="_blank">#YourAutisticLife</a><a href="https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/10/30/unitedhealths-stupidity-is-suffocating/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/10/30/unitedhealths-stupidity-is-suffocating/</a>

Your Autistic LifeEngineer shows he has no self-esteem by applying 300 times to TeslaPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@austindistel?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Austin Distel</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-wearing-blue-coat-7uoMmzPd2JA?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>Bob Minge is an engineer with big dreams. He wants to work for Tesla. Minge explains, “Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve had this dream of working my ass off for no benefits. You know. The American dream kinda thing. When I graduated, I realized that Tesla would be the perfect place for me to waste my life away.”Minge got to task as soon as he graduated. He started using AI to polish his resume. He told us, “Sure, the AI made it sound like I had experience flying to the moon, and rising emus in Antarctica, but ‘fake it, ’til you make it!’ Am I right? I’m brushing up on my emu husbandry as we speak. Antarctica is one rough place to raise them in.”Minge sent one application and got a resounding “fuck, no!” However, not one to take “fuck, no!” for an answer, he persisted and sent 300 applications before he finally got a “why not?” answer. When we asked Tesla for a comment they replied that they got tired of answering “fuck, no!”, and they figured they could probably abuse someone so oblivious to rejection.However, his ordeal was far from over. “This just landed me the first interview. I could clearly see by the way they were vomiting during the interview that I would not get the job.” So he continued applying. He went to interview after interview, causing many lunches to be returned to sender. Eventually, he landed a total of 10 interviews.We asked him about his reasoning for being so persistent. He told us, “Well, people with more self-esteem than I do would eventually give up on their dream job. Not everybody is made to perform a dull job with no benefits, and always in fear of pissing off the CEO or being fired, but I am.”Ultimately, Minge landed a job at Tesla as a floor buffer. He admitted, “It’s a menial job, but it is a start.” The article that inspired this satire:<a href="https://in.mashable.com/tech/84505/indian-engineer-reaches-tesla-after-300-job-applications-advises-job-hunters-to-treat-it-like" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://in.mashable.com/tech/84505/indian-engineer-reaches-tesla-after-300-job-applications-advises-job-hunters-to-treat-it-like</a><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/engineering/" target="_blank">#engineering</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/selfesteem/" target="_blank">#SelfEsteem</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/tesla/" target="_blank">#Tesla</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/10/30/engineer-shows-he-has-no-self-esteem-by-applying-300-times-to-tesla/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/10/30/engineer-shows-he-has-no-self-esteem-by-applying-300-times-to-tesla/</a>

Your Autistic LifeMachines now diagnosed with mental conditionsPhoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@joshua_hoehne?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Joshua Hoehne</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/blue-and-white-heart-illustration-3n2uI0quNsA?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Unsplash</a>The US Copyright Office has granted an exception that would allow business owners to call upon experts to diagnose broken machines. Owners have immediately taken advantage of the exception, and finally know why their machines are refusing to work.Janice Penn, an impacted business owner, told us, “I thought my machines were just being lazy, but it turns out that the problem is more complex. I’m a bit ashamed now to admit that it wasn’t laziness, but something deeper.”We caught up with Martin Thompson, an electrician, while he was diagnosing one of those broken machines. When asked about the issue, Thompson explained, “As you can see here on my oscilloscope, the power going to the nozzle has flat lined. This means that the machine is suffering from acute depression.”We asked Thompson what the solution would be. “In this case, the depression is quite treatable. This machine should be given lexapro, and be entertained by clowns on a daily basis. In a few weeks, it should be back to its old self, ready to serve ice cream.”We talked to other people involved in the repair of commercial machines, and they all reported finding in the broken machines cases of anxiety, depression, and OCD. In some cases, like those of autism, or ADHD, it seems the condition existed from birth and just recently became manifest.We asked Thompson, who explained, “Yes, it seems that some machines were born neurodivergent. We cannot cure them, but we can care for them the best we can.” The article that inspired this satire:<a href="https://www.theverge.com/2024/10/25/24279371/mcdonalds-ice-cream-machines-right-to-repair-copyright" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.theverge.com/2024/10/25/24279371/mcdonalds-ice-cream-machines-right-to-repair-copyright</a><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/adhd/" target="_blank">#ADHD</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/anxiety/" target="_blank">#anxiety</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autism/" target="_blank">#autism</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/autisticwriters/" target="_blank">#AutisticWriters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/depression/" target="_blank">#depression</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/laziness/" target="_blank">#laziness</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/machines/" target="_blank">#machines</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/neurodivergence/" target="_blank">#neurodivergence</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/satire/" target="_blank">#satire</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/tag/thedailyisotope/" target="_blank">#TheDailyIsotope</a><a href="https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/10/30/machines-now-diagnosed-with-mental-conditions/" class="" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.thedailyisotope.com/2024/10/30/machines-now-diagnosed-with-mental-conditions/</a>

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