My 6 year old: "Why do some of the parents sit in the car for a while before picking their kids up?"
Me thinking: "Probably because they want a moment ot peace."
My response: "Umm...they are probably responding to texts that they couldn't while they were driving."
Things my toddler & @pluralistic have in common:
3. Have received handmade gifts from @resl
4. Have given a lot of thought to the possibility of a new Little Brother
Things my toddler & @pluralistic have in common:
1. Intense desire to question authority structures & systemic injustice
2. Propensity to use the phrase "Walk away"
It shouldn't be a radical act to take my daughter to a STEM night, but I guess the fucking fascists want it to be. 
Either way, I'm holding onto something that one of my favorite musicians and songwriters said recently from the stage. He ended this appropriate sentiment with "Now go fuck some shit up!" 
We gotta get rid of a few oligarchs before we can get to this new beautiful place.
My 2 year old is a liquid. 
She somehow expands to fill any container or bed she's in.
On a lighter note, my 6 year old points & laughs whenever they see a Cybertruck.
#ProudDad
This time every year I pretend like I'm going to treat myself to a Massage Chair
And every year I hammer the forums and search high and low for a deal but come up empty handed.
Then I forget I need one until November/December next year :)
How come women put “dark smokey” makeup around their eyes to look sexy
But when I show up to work with dark circles around my eyes I get told I look like trash?
HUH?
Exhausted, I finally make it home after fighting through traffic for an hour.
Now I get to make dinner for my family which isn’t tiring at all.
Our parent’s generation only needed 1 income to financially support a family while the other stayed home and kept things in order.
Boomers ruined everything 
#ageing #adulting #dadlife #parenting
Monday morning… my whole body is sore from a weekend full of yard and house work. Legs, back, arms… I’m busted.
I need a day off from my days off 
Was able to admire my freshly raked lawn for about 5mins before a sudden gust of wind blew in my neighbor’s leaves on to my side again.
Kill me
What was that meme?
Nothing recharges me after a long week at work like 2 days of laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, meal prep, social obligations, kids activities, finding parking at the mall, lineups to see Santa.
There are few tasks more excruciating than trying to drag your teenager through a homework assignment they don't want to do. #dadlife
My kid just told me she’s growing out of Bluey and doesn’t want any Bluey stuff for Christmas - it’s all about Pokemon now.
Kinda sad. I LOVE Bluey. Such a wholesome and funny show.
Gonna need a minute to mourn the loss 
Don’t want to be the weirdo dad still watching kids shows (ignore my collection of action figures )
Took my kids iPad away after she was being a jerk.
Just made my life doubly harder as now I have to keep her entertained instead.
Don’t want to punish her with anything that could show up in therapy 20yrs from now
Nothing like a slow burn stomach bug to upend a household. Middle kid was puking Friday, youngest yesterday, me today. Oldest seems to be under the weather, and it's a matter of time before my wife is down for the count. #dadlife
Doesn't matter how old I get or how much money I make. I'll still get yelled at by my parents for spending too much on something that they seemingly could have gotten or done cheaper.
