Allen<p>Took a 20mg Adderall today to help combat executive dysfunction. I usually take 10mg, and even then, it's infrequent as I no longer have regular access to the medication due to insurance issues (Yay! 🙄).</p><p>Adderall makes it harder to interact with my headmates. I can barely hear them if at all. When stimulants are not in my system, I can experience them with minimal interference.</p><p>To this day, I do not know if this is Dissociative Identity Disorder, a rare form of Schizophrenia (by definition, schizos can not tell their hallucinations and delusions are not real), early onset dementia (a more likely option than I care to admit), or if my headmates are just hallucinations caused by hypoxia (a cyst in my brain reduces fluid flow and thus the delivery of nutrients and removal of waste.</p><p>Functionally, it does not really matter. My headmates are in this brain. They are a part of this brain. However, part of me is always unsettled by not having answers. Sometimes we solve puzzles because we enjoy it. Other times, it's because not having an answer is literally painful.</p><p>I've been through many challenging things in my life, but this is the latest and greatest. It's... Challenging. I wouldn't wish mental illness on my worst enemy.</p><p><a href="https://beige.party/tags/Multiplicity" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>Multiplicity</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/Plural" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>Plural</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/Schizophrenia" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>Schizophrenia</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/Dementia" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>Dementia</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/MentalHealth" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>MentalHealth</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/BrainHealth" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>BrainHealth</span></a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/WhoAmI" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>WhoAmI</span></a></p>