I hate this time of year. The Dread starts around August when I 1st think abt the calls & making my excuses to avoid flying & all the end of the year stuff.
The Obligatory Thanksgiving calls are done so that's out of the way, but even though it's just me & my SO who I absolutely love not doing anything holiday-related, I'm still full-on in The Awful Time. The Holidays still happen & what is a well-needed break for most people is agonizing, life-draining hell for me.
My routines are destroyed for over a month. I'm always perceived. There's always noise. I'm locked in a masked freeze state. My time alone is completely stripped & I'm hiding in the bathroom just to get 5 minutes of solitude for a mini-meltdown so I can keep it together for another few hours. I am anxiously counting down until the holidays are over & I finally get a break from the chaos & intrusion. All while hating myself & feeling shame and guilt for every second of it because what an awful way to feel about spending time with someone you love. At least now I know I'm #Autistic & that's why.
35 days to go.